Plans change and some difficult times

lovelife

Martin decided that we would move to Canada. At first I wasn’t thrilled with living in Canada again, but realized it was his turn to make decisions on where we should live and what we should do.

I had already:

– made him quit his cushy, stable job in Germany
– dragged him all over Asia (mainly Thailand and Taiwan)
– stopped freelancing which means stopped our ONLY source of active income and,
drained our net worth instead of building it up

It sounds totally nuts when I write it all out like that, but we don’t regret it in the least. We got a lot out of the experience and it has changed our lives for the better.

Financially it wasn’t the best move, but yet also not too devastating.

Fast forward to now, we’re living in Toronto and surprisingly, I’m really happy about that.

That is not to say that things are easy going for me here.

On the contrary, I’m dealing with some emotionally difficult things, things that I have been avoiding for many years (or not yet ready to deal with), a collection of things that I will not be specific about but that I will name ‘THE THING’.

THE THING is asking me to step up in ways that I’ve never stepped up before. It is challenging me, calling my bluffs, and forcing me to face my weaknesses over and over again, while urging me to grow and do better.

It’s uncomfortable, frustrating, sad, hurtful, and I’m utterly humbled.

But this entry is not about THE THING, specifically.

It’s about how it’s so important for me to have some wiggle room in the budget so I don’t have to worry about money during these difficult times. Some people call this F-U money, because you can just quit your job when you want – because you can.

In my case I don’t have a job, except for freelancing as a bike courier (which is going well! which I’ll write about soon).

Also we are living with my parents at the moment so are shielded from the pressures of real life bills.

We are lucky. I am lucky.

A year ago, before taking off on our nomadic journey, I wouldn’t have dreamed that I would be back in my home town, living here and doing what I’m doing. But I’m glad for it and grateful to be back.

I’ll end this with a quote from one of my favourite authors:

Stop asking yourself what you want, what you desire, what interests you.
Ask yourself instead: what has been given to me?
Ask: what do I have to give back?
Then give it.

~Cheryl Strayed

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