Marriage is not something I thought I would be good at.
My dating history is me breaking people’s hearts and thinking I would get married only to divorce them a few years later, because relationships were too painful and it was impossible to spend a lifetime with only one person.
Growing up, I had no good reference point for what a good relationship looked like, and even now I know of very few.
Being only married for 2.5 years, it’s not that I think I’m particularly good at marriage. But I do think Martin is, and I’m married to him, so it’s good!
One of my friends married for money, and it’s something I’ve been pondering to write about for a while.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is, asides from sharing some of my random thoughts about what marrying for money looks like, from my limited observations.
Money is an important topic to discuss before getting married, and certainly Martin and I both knew what we were getting into financially when we tied the knot.
But money and the ability for one of us to support the other financially, or joining forces to increase our net worths, was not the main motivation for us in getting married.
If it were, we probably wouldn’t have married each other! ^_^
I’m not talking about one person marrying for money to bring themselves and their families out of poverty. That’s different because the power imbalance is so stark.
My friend is not poor but she chose to marry for money as her main motivation anyway.
Which is rare in my circle of independent women friends.
The problem is, neither my friend or her partner are happy together (especially not her) and he doesn’t even have money! She just thought he had money, or maybe she married him for his ability to earn money, which he’s not bad at but he earns his money in unconventional ways making his income very up and down. This income uncertainty wasn’t what she signed up for.
She gets annoyed when he’s in between projects and is at home all the time, because he’s in her way. She doesn’t prefer to see him so much.
So she ends up going back to her demanding career, just to get away from him!
Then he doesn’t like it because he wanted a Hausfrau who revolves her life around him.
I find their expectations to be reasonable – relying on someone financially or to look after the home is not exactly new to marriage. But their mistake was in not clearly outlining how this would look to them before getting married. And not respecting each other enough to adjust when things change.
Which is totally their prerogative, but it’s also annoying for me to put up with as their friend!
From my observations, marrying for money is actually quite stressful.
I couldn’t do it, because money doesn’t mean that much to me. It definitely couldn’t glue me to someone I wasn’t attracted to, or conversely, ask someone to be with me who wasn’t attracted to me.
I would rather trade in his steady paycheque for more time with him, because I like him and he’s cute!
Not that I’m trying to paint our relationship as *better* than my friends’ marriage. Martin and I are very different and have our problems too. It’s just that we have different ideas on what we want and need out of our marriage, and since money is not a huge factor for us, we can focus on tackling the other stuff that requires attention.